Emotions. I know I have them. But…I am not sure that I have ever let myself really experience them. Always staying in the center. Not too happy. Not too sad. Connection – something I have craved all of my life – but have not allowed myself to fully experience. Never letting myself get close to people – never making the effort to reach out to them and really connect. Oh, I can talk about connection – but it has been sorely lacking in my life – and that makes me sad. I talk about being sad and wonder if perhaps I don’t really experience it. I don’t let it be. It’s like my goal is to push it away – I don’t want to be sad. I should be happy…all the time. By not experiencing the sadness, I am not experiencing all of me. I am not experiencing all of life. Yes, you have to take the good with the bad, the happy with the sad. Feeling the emotion. Being sad or happy. Letting it happen. Expressing the emotion. Having and experiencing the entire event (which includes all the emotions). Holding nothing back. I almost feel that I want to cry right now – actually in a happy way. Emotions are interesting. I want to experience them (all of them) and I want to use them to live my life as a human being.
